Why I'm Happy Being Single
by
Em
- 14:09
Today's
post is a post that's a little bit more personal. Something that I've
been wanting to talk about for a while but couldn't really find the
words. Until this week! Back in June, my life was flipped upside
down. My relationship of nearly 5 years came crashing down around me.
Just like that, it was over. There was nothing we could do, there was
just no way of working it out, going back to how we used to be. My
heart was broken, mind a mess, life just sucked.
Looking
back, I thought I couldn't carry on, how could the person you loved
and depended on just go. Who would I wake up to in the morning now?
Cook dinner for? Ring on my lunch break, just to see if they were ok?
All my dreams of building a future, a family, marriage, buying our
first home together were all gone. I told myself I'd never find
someone else, no one would ever love me, and worse still, I couldn't
love anyone ever again. How silly was I!?
In
hindsight now, being in that relationship was not a healthy thing for
either of us. We were arguing more than anything, our communication
was poor, and 3rd parties were involved. I won't go too
deep into what happened, as it's not really fair to do so, but all I
will say is, I'll never trust someone the same way ever again.
Fast
forward to present day. Remember I said earlier about how I wouldn't
be able to carry on? Yeah, well, I did! I took some time out to focus
on me and what I needed/wanted. Something I hadn't really cared about
for a while. So far, I've lost 4 stone, 3 stone to go till my target,
something that I'm extremely proud of! I've gained a lot of
confidence, which was seriously lacking. In turn of that, I've
started going out a lot more, again something that was seriously
lacking in my life. My friendships have gotten stronger, and I've
gained some very close friends along with that. Some who I would
literally do anything for.
Why
am I writing this post? Well, today, I got asked 'How can you be so
happy single?'. Well apart from the above? I just am. It's taken me a
while, but my dad once told me 'you can't love someone until you
learn to love yourself', and truth be told, I didn't love myself. I
still don't, I'm still 'finding' myself. It sounds sad, but I truly
do feel like I 'lost' who I was. Interestingly, a friend of mine
commented on this. When I spoke to them they told me that when they
first met me, they got the total wrong impression. “I thought you
were a miserable person who wanted nothing to do with us lot”. To
which my reply “And now?”....”You're a lovely girl and a great
laugh”. If you hadn't guessed, when they first met me I was with my
ex. What more can I say?
Am
I ready for another relationship yet? Maybe. I'm not looking for it.
I'm not searching. If someone comes along, then it happens. But for
now, I'm happy being single, being me! Truth be told, it's slightly
scary, the thought of 'loving' someone again. When you've been hurt
by something, you're obviously going to be more cautious around it
the next time around, relationships are no different. So who knows
what will happen, obviously, I will want a relationship again, but
for now, I'm happy! :)
