Why I'm Happy Being Single

by - 14:09

Today's post is a post that's a little bit more personal. Something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while but couldn't really find the words. Until this week! Back in June, my life was flipped upside down. My relationship of nearly 5 years came crashing down around me. Just like that, it was over. There was nothing we could do, there was just no way of working it out, going back to how we used to be. My heart was broken, mind a mess, life just sucked.

Looking back, I thought I couldn't carry on, how could the person you loved and depended on just go. Who would I wake up to in the morning now? Cook dinner for? Ring on my lunch break, just to see if they were ok? All my dreams of building a future, a family, marriage, buying our first home together were all gone. I told myself I'd never find someone else, no one would ever love me, and worse still, I couldn't love anyone ever again. How silly was I!?

In hindsight now, being in that relationship was not a healthy thing for either of us. We were arguing more than anything, our communication was poor, and 3rd parties were involved. I won't go too deep into what happened, as it's not really fair to do so, but all I will say is, I'll never trust someone the same way ever again.

Fast forward to present day. Remember I said earlier about how I wouldn't be able to carry on? Yeah, well, I did! I took some time out to focus on me and what I needed/wanted. Something I hadn't really cared about for a while. So far, I've lost 4 stone, 3 stone to go till my target, something that I'm extremely proud of! I've gained a lot of confidence, which was seriously lacking. In turn of that, I've started going out a lot more, again something that was seriously lacking in my life. My friendships have gotten stronger, and I've gained some very close friends along with that. Some who I would literally do anything for.

Why am I writing this post? Well, today, I got asked 'How can you be so happy single?'. Well apart from the above? I just am. It's taken me a while, but my dad once told me 'you can't love someone until you learn to love yourself', and truth be told, I didn't love myself. I still don't, I'm still 'finding' myself. It sounds sad, but I truly do feel like I 'lost' who I was. Interestingly, a friend of mine commented on this. When I spoke to them they told me that when they first met me, they got the total wrong impression. “I thought you were a miserable person who wanted nothing to do with us lot”. To which my reply “And now?”....”You're a lovely girl and a great laugh”. If you hadn't guessed, when they first met me I was with my ex. What more can I say?

Am I ready for another relationship yet? Maybe. I'm not looking for it. I'm not searching. If someone comes along, then it happens. But for now, I'm happy being single, being me! Truth be told, it's slightly scary, the thought of 'loving' someone again. When you've been hurt by something, you're obviously going to be more cautious around it the next time around, relationships are no different. So who knows what will happen, obviously, I will want a relationship again, but for now, I'm happy! :)

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